Author: She Says
With new horizons to pursue
My words have been stunted by shock and fear. It’s been three months and I am just starting to try to recover. As I watch the news, they report to me how long its been since the war started – it happens to coincide with my internal war and is the most disheartening.
Day 90:
Tragedy struck in Texas today, the death toll continues to climb – most elementary school children near a town a visited every summer as a child. The Frio River won’t be the same for many families this year. It makes me incredibly nervous that people are capable of such evil. It terrifies me that the world is so unpredictable.
Gravity is nothing to me
Today has been really difficult for me. Its been a month since we were supposed to meet at the glass blowing shop and the following night, she messaged me at 5 am stating that she broke up with C and the rest of her message frightened me to the core.
I have been searching for a way to talk to her without censorship and I have been failing greatly.
They make my core tremble
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
Sometimes, words are hard to come by.
I had a dream, I was your hero
The other day the 90s station on XM played the following song, before that – I had only heard it on the duet with Melissa Etheridge. The play list continued to interest me:
I’ve been walking these streets at night
When I heard this version of ‘Nothing Compares 2 U” on sxm the other day, I was more than surprised.
I sit here on the stairs
I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait, dear
Sometimes it gets so tense
I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider
I saw Soundgarden with Nine Inch Nails months before Chris Cornell passed. Based on the circumstance I am willing to bet I wrote about that show on here in September of 2014.
Well I’m runnin through the world
The last message I sent her before going to bed said that I wished that we could stay up all night talking.
Then I had a dream, that felt like it lasted all night. We went multiple places and had an amazing time. Currently I can remember a few specifics and it seems that those were the moments that really stood out to me in the dream – but what do I know, I can’t even remember the rest.
I can’t connect the dots or even guess how it all started. I can say that there was a time that I was in a pool, and I feel like I had to get in in my shirt and underwear. I’m not one to make such bold moves. At some point, I was touching her side, taking note that it was real and I could actually touch her, she put her hand on mine to calm my nervous movements.
If I were to try to pull specific themes to go read about, this would be my thrown together list.
- Pool, swimming
- Going to eat
- Watching the sun rise
- Believed I could feel touching her
Its more of the specific moments that stand out to me but I am not ready to put words to it. I woke up feeling like we spent the night talking – but I can’t remember any meaningful dialogue.
We were walking through some field, it almost resembled a game that I play, when the sun started to come up and she pointed over toward the horizon and made a comment to suggest that we did get to stay up all night talking.
Pool
To see a pool of water in your dream indicates that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It is time to dive in and deal with those emotions. Alternatively, a pool indicates your desire to be cleansed. You need to wash away the past.
Restaurant
To dream that you are in a restaurant suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions and choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.
Sunrise
To see the sunrise in your dream represents new beginnings, renewal of life and energy, and fulfillment of your goals and purpose. You are about to embark on a new adventure in your personal life.
Touching
To dream that you are touching someone or something indicates that you are trying to communicate your feelings and your need for contact. You may be trying to evaluate a situation and gather information about your environment.
To dream that you are being touched represents your closeness and/or relationship with a particular person. It may also mean that you are connected and well in tune with an aspect of yourself. Alternatively, being touched may be a metaphor that you are feeling emotional and sensitive.
I know there was much more and if it comes back to me, I will attempt to amend.