• byadmin • InMusic, Pop, Pop Rock • Comments Off on I’ll be the one, if you want me to
There is this new polar bear commercial that uses this song, but less than 30 seconds of it. They are about to ruin this song just like they did the Sarah McLachlan song that no one will ever hear the same again.
They keep playing it on the local channels that I have and it leaves a feeling in the pit of my stomach that would be hard for me to explain to most. If you read the other posts with it in them – I should it would be a start.
It leaves me grateful of where I am in life and it reminds me of how offended I was when it came out. I scoffed at the song and took it as a challenge. Over 6 years ago, I knew – that I wasn’t going to give up on her but I did have moments that I was desperate to hear from her and this song carved scars in my bones. Tonight, she tells me that she wants to bathe in the universe with me and I feel complete. Then I suggested that I would climb through her window for her. I sure hope that she always finds my quirks endearing and that I never cross over any weird lines.
My heart was broken before this song ever came out, so when it did – I was already ‘vying for her touch.’ With every note of the piano, my heart breaks a little more. The first few years that I heard this song was more than painful. I would listen to Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball, Rihanna’s Stay. I was the toughest of lesbians. Passenger’s ‘Let Her Go’ frequented my playlist – but there was something about this song that brought me to a halt every single time.
I am so certain of the way that it made me feel, I know that if I were to look back on old posts, I would mention that I wouldn’t really give up on her – but maybe I should stop emailing her.. daily.
There were times that I convinced myself to stop. There were moments that I let my friends convince me that I was bothering her and completely wrong not to mention the epitome of assholes. There was extreme guilt involved coming from multiple directions – but she had a way of always letting me know that was not the case.
• byadmin • InMusic, Rock • Comments Off on With you I’d walk anywhere.
There are a few songs that I have known my whole life – most being Jimmy Buffett or some variation of country from the mid 80s or earlier. It seems as though he has gained notoriety in recent years but he didn’t used to be that popular. I can remember being embarrassed that I listened to him, but many of those were my teenage years where anything would have embarrassed me. It was great exposure therapy and helped me get to the point that I am at now. I used to be incredibly shy and most people wouldn’t know it except that one lady that makes me question everything I know just by entering a room.
When it comes to Jimmy Buffett, there are a few songs that I feel get too much attention and this is one of them, but today it touched my heart all the same. She sent me a stunning photo and it lead to me quoting the following song. As I typed out the line and stopped, the song continued in my head. The next line was about California – which I thought was cute so then I wanted to listen to it. I forgot that the first line includes San Francisco, which happens to be where she was at that second in life and it just made me twinkle a little. Then I told her all about it and went on.
The other day, a friend posted this on the Internet and I joked with her that it was going to get me in trouble. This is completely unrelated to the post and kind of the song, but in my heart, its so related.
The night before last, (writing this on 2/3 about 2/2) I had an incredibly realistic dream that kept me in bed most of Sunday. How you might ask? When you are so relaxed and exactly where you want to be – it’s hard to wake up and walk away from that. I can’t say that I ever got back to my dream but I was relaxed and on cloud nine all morning – until I woke up and started to question everything that was life.
It woke up from the dream, which was only a few hours after I went to sleep and texted her to say something cute and suggestive. That would have never occurred during normal hours. So far, I am convinced that at that moment, I was still giggly and thought I realized it was just a dream quickly, I wasn’t convinced that it wasn’t somewhat real – which is damn near crazy and I know that but it’s what I have and I am not complaining.
Well in this dream., it was about so much more than I could possibly write. I couldn’t tell you where we were but she was laying up against me telling me the sweetest things she has ever said then she leaned in and started kissing me. This wasn’t like any dream kiss that I had ever had – not that I can really think of any others but there were sparks. In the next dream sequence something happened that upon recalling I don’t know how I would remember such a thing and then dream about it so many years later but is seemed quite accurate and then it advanced past any memories on to moments that have never happened before. In the dream, it was even a big deal to me.
That all ties back to a conversation we once had – one that I didn’t know how to respond to or what to say but something that seems to circle my hottest dreams. That is about all I am willing to say about those dreams – but it lead me to question a lot. I said a few things to her in real life that I probably wouldn’t have normally said including my initial text about the dream. This is where I will politely trail off.
As February steadily approaches, I am reminded about my ridiculous emotions, the ones that try to over power with my rational ones. It’s been quite apparent that she is going through much more difficult challenges than I am. I just want to be loved and cared about – which I am. I don’t even pretend to know what’s going on over there – because there is what I believe and the truth and I know that they are not one in the same, so I really have no idea how I should think or feel – so I try to do what’s right all of the time and keep my lesbian beliefs and reactions to a minimum.
The above is all that I completed on January 31st but then I walked off to go busy myself at some point and never finished – so I will cut this short and say this:
On this day, I woke up to see that 7 years prior – I had a dream that I still vaguely remember. My turtles were roaming all over my house. There may have been snakes too but since I didn’t mention that, I am sure that was a different dream but I have had dreams of both. I will go back to dream dictionary today and post what the turtle symbolism is in full but I thought that it was quite interesting that I met the woman that I love just a few minutes later. This tells me that deep down in my heart, I knew that I was feeling withdrawn and really wanted to meet someone that I could really connect with – and then I did.
Here is the post that I woke up to on my facebook memories.
To see a turtle in your dream symbolizes wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, and loyalty. It also suggests that you need to take it slow in some situation or relationship in your life. With time and patience, you will make steady progress. Alternatively, a turtle indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life. You are putting forth a hard exterior and not letting others in. As a result, you are feeling withdrawn.
To dream that you are being chased by a turtle indicates that you are hiding behind a facade, instead of confronting the things that are bothering you.
For today’s music or shall I say yesterday’s – I will be random as hell and put the first turtle song that entertained me.
• byadmin • InMusic, Punk Rock • Comments Off on Someone said it’s all right
There was a time in my life that I thought that The Offspring and Sublime were quite similar in my eyes, no necessarily their music but my thoughts and feelings towards them both. At this point, The Offspring has by fast surpassed Sublime on the list of things I enjoy listening to – many of my friends would disagree. Sometime in 2005, I made an MP3 CD that would not be surpassed for the foreseeable future – it included my two favorite Offspring songs: “Bad Habit” and “No Brakes.” That CD stayed in that car for the rest of that car’s existence as I knew it and might still be in that CD player to this day depending on how much luck the man has had that I sold it to for a disappointing and desperate $500.
If you are a human and reading this – there is a good chance you understand how I feel about the foreseeable future. It has made it way into the list or words I would rather not repeat so forget that I even brought attention to that for no reason at all.
I was angry for the next decade. It would take some deep soul searching and maybe a few gmail searches to reflect back and try and figure out when I lost the chip on my shoulder and decided to concentrate on the future instead of the past. I am not sure if anyone else in my life noticed but I would guess it was somewhere around 2015 give or take some years.
I won’t turn this into a Garbage post and I will give it all to one 90s band but it is true to say that I was angry when I met her.. and I try really hard to convert that anger into understanding now. Once I reach the level of understanding, I just want love, attention and a little comforting – so I don’t even know how far I have come but I like to think that I am much better for her now than I was before. Plus, my ticket for no registration didn’t go to a collections agency.. it was everything else in recent times that has.. That is just another petty remark that shouldn’t be said and appears to have absolutely no basis at all and should be laughed at in good humor but it reminds me that I am not as mature as I want to be, no matter how hard I try.
Just hearing these songs reminds me about how mad I used to be at life.
No Brakes (1998)
I might suck at it, but the important part is that I try
• byadmin • InMusic, Pop Rock, Rock • Comments Off on But I know I’ll do the right thing if the right thing is revealed
This morning, I woke up and up on Adele. I sung a few of my favorites as I for ready, “One and Only” being one of them. I lead to a text I sent, and somewhere in there the phrase in the title echoed somewhere deep inside. What I was able to articulate from what I was getting was not quite the same but somewhere after lunch it came to me. I could feel the tone of the song and I knew the emotion but I couldn’t place the actual words or even the song itself. Somewhere in the bank just before getting my third Dr. Pepper, it occurred to me, it was revealed not presented. Somehow I was able to piece together, ‘right thing is revealed’ and from there, goggle was able to tell me what I was thinking.
Staind – Epiphany (2001)
I saw Staind live with Marilyn Manson before the next song had even come out yet. It was on Halloween of 2003 in Dallas, TX. I drove all the way up to Davis, Oklahoma to pick up a friend and then we went back to Dallas (I lived a few hours south of Dallas) to go to the Smirnoff Music Center. I was not prepared for the traffic that I was about to run into that day and am lucky that I didn’t die in an awful car wreck. We missed Sevendust but made it in time to see Staind and then Marilyn Manson.
Staind – Right Here Waiting (2005)
One of my favorite Staid songs is actually a Metallica Cover, but I think it is worth throwing in here. I don’t remember which yeah I have been putting, so I will go with the year the song came out on the next one – not the year it was recorded.
Tonight, as I was aimlessly clicking around on the Internet and reading things that don’t matter – I realized that someone that has been on my friend’s list for a while seems to be a professional musician. That’s kind of cool, so I decided to look into her music.
I am pretty sure that I mat her through an Ani DiFranco group but who knows. She had posted something about her bus that was stolen 6 years ago and it was a 70s model VW so I watched it. Then she talked about touring a lot. After a search or two I heard a few songs but enjoyed the Johnny Cash cover the most.
Also, last night was a moment in history – but that’s between me and the future.
The dreams continued last night, so much so that I slept until nearly 3 PM. I woke up plenty of times but didn’t want to get out of bed, so I just kept going back to sleep. I felt like I was having a good dream but it may have been a mixture of sorts. I could not tell you where one dream started or stopped, so as far as I know, it was just one big dream. I will grace over s few themes that I felt were important.
This was the second dream to include a bicycle in the last few nights. Each time the bike looked similar. Last night it occurred later in the dream. I was alone and going down a steep bike path. It was rocking and all over the place. I seemed to be doing just fine but when I got to the bottom of the hill it seemed to be a dead end into someone’s house. I started to crawl under a fence and a small dog came up to me and growled. I stepped back and eventually an old man on a golf cart came up on the side of the fence with the house. He told me that I passed the last exit back there about a half of a mile. I looked back up the hill trying to figure out how I could ever get back up there when my friends showed up on the other side and the guy left me go through his fence. At this point in my dream, I didn’t know if she was still with my friends, but there she was with the rescue crew and I was so excited to see that she had not gone home yet.
Prior to that I had been in a panic. My grandmother’s house was being sold and I could not afford to buy it. I was beyond distraught. That is about where my love entered the dream. She was always right there with my trying to help me come up with a plan.
There were several other scenarios in the dream but I can’t even think of them right now. We kept getting separated but every time that I would meet back up with my friends, she was always right there with them smiling at me.
Tonight, I read this article and took a pretty nice picture of the full moon.
To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own. If you are riding a push bike, then it means that you want to move forward at your own pace and by your own power.
To see a bicycle in your dream indicates that you need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation.
If the color of the bicycle was particularly important or memorable, then the dream often relates to specific childhood memories. If you had a yellow bicycle or the neighbor down the street had a red one, then the dream is about what you were going through during that period of your life.
The bicycle in both dreams were grey or silver but I don’t know what that would mean.
To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the subconscious, etc. If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity. If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system. To dream that a house has no walls represents a lack of privacy. You feel that everyone is looking over your shoulder or up in your business.
To see a rock in your dream symbolizes strength, permanence, stability and integrity, as conveyed in the common phrase “as solid as a rock”. The dream may also indicate that you are making a commitment to a relationship or that you are contemplating some changes in your life that will lay the groundwork for a more solid foundation. Alternatively, a rock represents stubbornness, disharmony and unhappiness.
To dream that you are climbing a rock signifies your determination, ambition and struggle. If the rock is particularly steep, then it refers to obstacles and disappointments.
If you are walking on rocks in your dream, then it indicates that you are on shaky ground. You may be involved in an uneasy situation. The dream may also be telling you not to get too comfortable or too arrogant.
