• byadmin • InMusic, Rock • Comments Off on one last thing before I quit
I never wanted any more than I could fit into my head
I still remember every single word you said
While I was waiting for my friend, who was kind enough to understand why I really needed that pizza…
I got really nervous and tried to occupy my time on my phone, but I haven’t downloaded many apps on it.
This is what happened:
Well, I am sure that is real mature… but I guess that’s how I felt (in the shallow end).
Over all, I was really happy to know that she was okay, I just – get so confused and can’t make sense of it ever. It leaves me in a confused mess substituting facts for presumptions, never safe.
Things will get better. There is no doubt in my mind that she cares about me.
The whole reason that I started this website, blog, mess, talking to my self situation, was to help me stop contacting her so often when she’s… doing her own thing. It looks like October is going to be an active month. It didn’t seem to help me sleep any better – at night. Maybe that’s because I slept all day. This being normal thing is quite difficult.
As I approach 3 AM, I’m going to post a hand full of cheesy songs, so I sure hope I have some leeway when it comes to being cool. I really listen to some bad music sometimes. Here’s to being secure and not giving a shit.. since no one will ever read this anyway.
I’m used to being laughed at, it’s really not that bad. Here’s my heart break compilation. I’m just going to hold my breath until she misses me.
Sometimes I feel so guilty for having feelings for her. Then again, I never know her relationship status so it’s always quite confusing. It creates the largest battle inside me.
Have I already said that all that I want is to fall asleep in her arms while she touches my face softly?
…pull put some hope for me.
Sometimes I wonder how I survived high school without getting beat up…
My brother used to sing this song at karaoke. It must be cool – I guess. He may be the answer to the previous question. He was pretty intimidating and grew up in Timberwood so he knew all those rich kids.
If you only knew how I really felt about all those guys.
I’f I couldn’t sleep, could you sleep?
I know that you’ve got me…
and before I go lay down to dream about her. I will end this depressing ass shit with my favorite song by matchbox twenty. yeah, its true, i like all of these things. she can laugh at me anytime that she wants to.
The challenge is to think about the opportunity cost when I start to feel like I should fight back, say something… stand up for myself.
But I consider how she must feel – and I stop myself every time.
There’s a line in the song that reminds me of something that her friend said the night that we were at the bar together. It gave me a lump in my throat and I had to walk away – that’s generally when I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I can’t handle a lot of things well…
I socially engineered situations today in the name of sanity.. When my friend got back with my pizza.. we were both like.. we should have thought that through.. I have a unique favorite pizza and we were both sure that she saw right through us.. I know that she’s smarter than that and can see me coming from a million miles away.
As long as she knows it was nothing but romantic. Damn the things I get myself into.
I just want to cry..
and the results were even what I wanted.. just to know she was safe. I’m bad about that.
• byadmin • InPop, Rock • Comments Off on If you knew what I’m left imagining
When I say that I am always completely honest, that is a lie…
I always keep her feelings in mind. It isn’t always the first thing I think about and sometimes I have to calm down and remind myself what’s really important before I stop acting so childish.
If I told her how I really felt….
I would be afraid that I was providing a bias opinion. I know that no one would would give a shit about that but her feelings and best interests are what seem to be most important to me.. Which is exactly why at this point I just want her to tell me that she’s fine but she’s too busy to talk to me. Why is that comforting? I have no clue but I get pretty scared of some irrational things.
Do I really believe all of the things I imagine? I sure as fuck hope not, but crazy shit does happen. I never thought I would end up in such a situation. Just thinking about it all is enough to make me want to cry right now. One can imagine what I was like when I actually did read that post.
Did I say that I read it over and over again? Just to make sure.. that’s what it said. It never changed, and stayed up for so long.
When I think about that – I wonder how she felt when she read my reply – it actually devastates me to think about it. Just recently I was thinking about this, in a, I know its not easy being her either, type way…
The song must have started just as I got into the car to go to work, because it played nearly the whole way to work. I had found another song that I had heard a million times. but I had never listened.. Maybe because if had never meant a thing to me. There were a few lines that really stood out to me.. and I was convinced, once again, about the radio conspiracy.
At the time, I didn’t think there was a better song to explain how I felt. Then I had to come home on lunch and listen to one of my classic favorites. I stumbled across this lovely live version of “As Is” by Ani and the slight alterations made me smile, so here it is. At least she admits that she’s an asshole. Who am I to judge?
