Author: admin
I don’t wanna look back in thirty years
And wonder who you’re married to
Wanna say it now, wanna make it clear
For only you and God to hear
When you love someone
They say you set ’em free
But that ain’t gonna work for meI don’t wanna live without you
I don’t wanna even breathe
I don’t wanna dream about you
Wanna wake up with you next to meI don’t wanna go down any other road now
I don’t wanna love nobody but you
Lookin’ in your eyes now, if I had to die now
I don’t wanna love nobody but you
I was just clicking through some new site and saw that there was some controversy between Adam Levine and Blake Shelton and when I took a second to read, the real news was that Blake Shelton was marrying Gwen Stefani. There was a slight moment on awkwardness when I thought back to 1996 but here are a few songs that I love and shaped my adolescence. When I listen to them, the emptions they bring really go back to a few core aspects of my life.
When I hear the song Austin, I nearly cry every time. This song came out in 2001 but I group it with all the other late 90s country music. Time blended together back then. I didn’t know true dedication and patience at the time but I have been spending nearly the last decade learning it and when I hear thing song, I just relate to my own life and situation. I can start about anywhere in this song and sing it – its always during the last message that my voice cracks.
I am so detached from the media these days that I had no idea that they were even dating – but Gwen.. she taught me a lot. Taught me to rebel against the conservative family and area that I was growing up in. No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom and Jewel’s Pieces of You were the first CDs I owned and I feel like that shaped me a lot. Before that I had Collin Raye’s Extremes on tape and any Jimmy Buffet cassette that my dad owned.
I’m a woman of my word, now haven’t you heard
Cat Power was just added to the bill for the show on August 12th. I have been looking forward to it since December 2019 when I bought the tickets for the lady and I. So much has happened, so much has changed. I really hope that she can still go with me. I have been so afraid all week. She moved tomorrow.
It’s no good to go alone
Refreshing not to see
That I don’t have to pretend
She doesn’t expect it from me
Today, I couldn’t shake this album that my love would describe in a painstaking way but somehow Mirrorball has been one of those albums I have fallen back on all of my lesbian career. I remember driving up I35 near Oklahoma listening to this song on my first ridiculous journey. She’s a he now and its just interesting to think about – but those roads taught me this album. It wasn’t until this decade that the words really meant something to me.
It’s strange to me that my grandparents and great grand parents were getting married in their teens and staying married forever and I can’t even convince someone that I… well, I will be 40 before I know it. Why do I even feel this way.
One more time
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
As I listen to these songs, I can hear her says – I usually listen to music that is harder.
I couldn’t laugh at myself more – and I would say ‘if she only knew’ but I am sure that she has an idea.
Memories seep from my veins
I hate when commercials ruin songs, hopefully soon we will forgot about those sad dogs on TV. Damn, I cleaned under my spacebar and now it is hitting weird. Let today mark the day that I broke something trying to clean. I advise against it.
Also – this music, makes me not hungry. Whatever that means.
This song hurt in weird ways. When I reverse a song, it usually digs deep.
Headed back to that time period, quickly. Now a few from one of my first CDs.
How do I know all the words?
Someday, YouTube will tell me how many times I have listened to these song – it if was a tape, I would have worn it out by now. At this point I am just clicking on my favorite suggestion to the rights for the next song. It is possible to sit here and do nothing else but listen to the toughest music that I could think to listen to. I check my phone more often than I should and tell myself that she is probably a sleep.
Well, you see her when you fall asleep
Passenger
But never to touch and never to keep
‘Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep
I feel like I am only about two steps from Tailor Swift and I have already seen Sarah McLachlan grace the suggested list as if someone is picking the songs for me. It would be nice if these algorithms would just stop – I have seen The Social Network and its working.
Tonight is the first time I have heard this song in a different light.
I am supposed to work about 12 hours straight tomorrow but I can’t seem to force myself to go to bed.
And suddenly.. after the next song, I want to go to bed, I just hope she visits me in my dreams. I try not to ask much.
I wonder if she knows how much I fear July 27th after I spent to many hears missing her. I was walking on the inside of the square nearing her bakery at the time. I paused in my tracks – suddenly wondered if anyone could see me – felt like I was in a horrible movie and was in disbelief a that. She used words that scared me for her so I just backed of quickly but I just don’t think that I should do that anymore – but what can I even do?
Trust me I’ve learned it
My day feels like a ‘Save the Polar bears’ commercial today and I would have to admin it is not my favorite.
Then I held my breath until she messaged me – and suddenly everything felt right again.
Sometimes the silence doesn’t bother me at all
Other times, it terrifies me.