doday, 101 X reminded me that Johnny Cash could put Trent Reznor in his place any day. This is only a compliment, I love Nine Inch Nails and I have a lot of respect for it all, when I was in high school, I didn’t understand and I was offended that a country singer would attempt a Nine Inch Nails song. A decade later, I hear it on the radio and it says something new that I have never heard before. I never thought that I would be the liar.
I must just be emotional today because the next song was Oasis’s Champagne Supernova which is another song that I have hear thousands of times, but it also seemed to send a message. Every day I feel like I learn something new about emotions. I wonder if I will ever understand.
Back in high school, I wasn’t really aware that Johnny Cash was a bad ass. I grew up in the country and despised much of the culture. It didn’t help that society had perpetuated that.
Today, on my way to work in the morning, I hear this song from the 80s for the first time. It looks like it came out in 79 but I am going to still call it 80s music. I don’t know if it was when I heard the name in the song or just the lyrics in general but after a while I got to thinking.. thinking about how I never really liked this kind of “rock” and how today, I seemed to like this song. As it played on, I wondered if this was a Jam Band and then I wondered why her and I were talking about Jam Bands… I know that he surprised her with tickets one day so she had to cancel plans with me.. that much I remember. It was before I knew who or why.. but I knew that her parents and his parents used to love Jam Bands and now they liked them together.. I couldn’t name the band or tell you if this is a jam band or not but it may be. Though I wondered..
Somehow, I feel, that I am really getting the raw end of the deal here. As we approach my girlfriend’s seven-year-old son’s birthday in less than 48 hours, I am perplexed with what to do about dealing with each kid crapping themselves daily. The 2-and-a-half-year-old is one thing but the seven-year-old is a bigger problem. With little to no disciple, they keep me running continuously if I am home. I have about 14 call center agents that do that same to me at work and in the end, I am more than done with this exhausting schedule.
Friday, the two-year old’s father is scheduled to fly in at midnight so that he can take her back to WA state to visit. It is beyond me as to why he chooses to fly in on the seven-year old’s birthday nor can I understand what makes him think that he should stay for 5 entire days when I couldn’t even stay him being in my gfs house for more than a day and now that I have moved in, I am stuck. Months ago, I made it clear to my brother that he always had a place to stay with me and he has finally accepted that he needed to some stay at my house, which is now someone else’s house that I stay n and primarily pay for but that’s neither here nor there. When Friday arrives, my brother is expected to give up his bed to the ex-boyfriend that decided to crash the party.
I can only hope that my brother is understanding and does not take it personally. I had no idea that his bed was spoke to when I offered it to him. While I was folding clothes, I realized what my biggest problem with him is. My girlfriend loves to control me by my emotions if she likes to admit it or not. It’s hard not to fall in love with young children that you take care of so often. I feel like it’s even harder when their future is uncertain and you are currently providing for them.
Months ago, after a fight, she made it very clear that if I were to leave her, I would never see her kids again. She is quick to say that I am their mother or try to include me in the family, but the minute you exclude me from their future because of our relationship status, is the minute I no longer feel safe to love them or even respected.
My time had been interrupted but I feel like its completely unfair that I love then, support them, take care of them and their biological fathers are guaranteed to be part of their lives but I am not because I did not create them. This is the type of double standard that is going to ultimately drive me away.
I was driving on I-20 on my way to Shreveport for work when this next song caught my attention. It was only a few lines in and I was distracted. You may not know this but East Texas has a poor selection for music on the radio and I can only imagine that 11 pm isn’t the best time to search for good music. It was then that I decided that this was going to be one of the next songs that I learned to play on bass.
Garth Brooks “What She’s Doing Now”
Today, I presented it to my brother, he pointed out how it is so obviously out-dated. Despite the lack of modernism, I am still going to run with it. You actually can’t just look up anyone on facebook to see how they are doing all of the time.. if you ever want to make someone really miss you, delete your facebook, I suppose. We also discussed that numbers changing aren’t as common with cell phones either, but then again – I know plenty of people that have had several numbers in the last few years.. soo yes, in 1991 this song may have had a slightly different circumstance, it could still all hold true.
Last night, I fell asleep after listening to Elton John’s “Your Song” and then had my second vivid dream in a row. I’m going to start keeping a record of my dreams in case I ever want to go back and reference them in the future. In the past, when I have had dreams like this, I have always felt that turned out to be quite significant. There is a difference between a normal dream that can be about anything and then the dreams that I have that I often confuse with reality for a moment or two, this was one of those dreams.
The dream started in my bedroom with a close friend of mine, and suddenly changed tones with a guy that I knew as Skyler came in to interrupt and scold my friend for being there claiming that her partner would not appreciate it. She was quite defensive and he was obnoxious, she ended up leaving to go talk to said partner but returned shortly there after.
We spend most of the dream walking around and talking.
At some point, when I was alone, I was at walmart and I saw a large smartphone just sitting there on a shelf, so I picked it up and went to go turn it in to an employee. The employee pretty much implied that I might as well take it because if I turned it in, an employee would just take it home and assured me that it would never make it back to its original owner. I can’t say that I would do this in real life, but I put it in my bag and continued on.
Later in my dream, I attempted to give it to my friend, because I knew that she was unsatisfied with her current phone. There was a crack in the screen across the top by this point, which hadn’t been there originally. Somehow we never made it to her using the phone because I had all intentions of wiping it clean for her but then I somehow lost the phone myself.
We walked through a town square of a town that I was not familiar with. There were people painting murals on the walls and we watched for a moment as we passed through.
At one point, we ended up at Walmart ourselves, together, but I couldn’t tell you why we were there or what we were doing. Every time we would get somewhere and it was time to split up and go our separate ways, she would always come with me and walk me home. We stayed together almost the entire dream.
The last part that I can remember, was us sitting on the top of a train car. It reminded me of a open car that we had in my grandparents Lionel train set.
It looked like this one but it was life sized, we sat in it like a canoe, maybe that wouldn’t make it really life sized but we fit in it, one behind the other.
When I looked up this photo to give an example, I found out it was called a Gondola, which is funny because I kept saying it was kind of like a canoe but a train car..
We were sitting on ropes that were wrapped up in a circle and one must have fallen off because it started to unroll. I warned her to be careful and that is the last that I remember of the dream.
She argued with this guy, Skyler, that seemed to know her partner, explaining that we were not hiding anything from anyone nor doing anything wrong. She was really upset during this conversation and that is why she left. The next time I saw her, it was not at the house, which seemed to be my brother’s house and Skyler was my brother’s roommate. As it all happened, I could remember the first time that I had met this fictional Skyler person. I told her that I had met him at this guy Mike V’s house back when I was in high school. His appearance, Skyler, seems to be one of the most vivid images from the dream, besides the train. He had dark hair that was cut in an emo type way. He was so worried about what everyone else was doing and wouldn’t drop it.
In my posts, while recording my dreams, I will add excerpts from information that I find. Over 10 years ago, maybe even 15 by now, I had a friend online that lived in Portugal. She was so intrigued by my dreams, she would always encourage me to tell her and she would then help me pick them apart and analyze them.
The meaning of the name Skyler: Dutch meaning: Guarded; scholar, learned one. American meaning: The Sky.
Gondola
To see or ride in a gondola in your dream refers to romance, fantasy, and idealistic love. Things are going well in your relationship or some aspect of your waking life. Alternatively, a gondola indicates your need to take time off and go off on an adventure.
Touchscreen
To see or use a touchscreen in your dream implies that you need to take a more active or more hands-on approach in order to move forward in some endeavor.
Shopping
To dream that you are shopping symbolizes your needs and desires. It also represents opportunities and options that you come across in life. Consider what you are shopping for and what needs you are try to fulfill. In particular, to dream that you are shopping for food and groceries signifies your hidden attempt to buy the attention of others. If you are shopping for clothes, then it suggests that you are trying to put forth a new image.
Edit: 7/25/2019
I reread this dream after remembering it during my lunch break today due to another dream that could not be ignored. I realized that I totally missed the rope – that has got to be significant.
To see a rope in your dream represents your connection and attachment to others. It is symbolic of what is holding your relationship together. Alternatively, a rope signifies bondage, restriction and captivity.
To dream that you are walking on a rope indicates that you are in a very precarious situation. You need to proceed carefully and weigh all the pros and cons of your decisions.
To dream that you are tied up in ropes suggests that you are letting your heart guide you, despite your better judgment.
