Just the other day, this song came on and read my mind
Bob FM Introduced me to this
Author: admin
What’s He Doing in My World?
I went to another baby shower for another cousin. As I put my records away, trying to figure out which way should be up, I decide to send an email. While composing that email, I remember inviting her to my other cousin’s baby shower. She gave me the realest answer, which is all I ever wanted. She was too shy in a way and baby showers weren’t really her thing.. I wanted to remind her that they weren’t really my thing either – but I knew how my family would react if a brought a female guest, so I understood and went alone.
The last record that I put on the shelf before I sent the email was The Magic of Eddie Arnold. My grandma used to play his tapes in the car when we went on long road trips. He might be the most famous for “Cattle Call” but my favorite songs are below. Sometimes I wonder how M and T feel about the woman in my life.. I am sure they could care less, but what if I am wrong?
Peter Pan Syndrome
It’s been four years since I started this site and four years since she first told me that we could no longer talk to each other. Things were much more confusing back then. Maybe I have grown up some. Many think it’s impossible.
I’ve been wallowing in my own confused and insecure delusions
As I walked into my favorite Stripes, I saw there men crowded around this awesome old black Mustang. They were paying as I was using the ATM so I complimented them on the car. Turns out, it was the cashier’s car.. he is a nice guy, we all bonded over cars for a few minutes and it was a great moment and then I proceeded on with my day and came across this mix.
I was leaving the neighborhood as Santeria came on, and I played it way too loud and I passed her street..
And then Terrible Lie came on so I had to take a detour through the old neighborhood where we used to walk. That was be blasting 90s music from the minivan next to the elementary school today.
Then 99.5 thought that I needed a little Staind in my life after that.
Purely for camedic value, they through in Dirty Deeds..
I reached by destination by the time that Forty Six and two was ending. It felt powerful but no one would understand.
Opportunity Cost.
I have been an emotional mess lately but I think that I have also held it all together pretty well. It’s almost a shame that there is a pill for that.. well, at least a combination of pills, but I feel like it would be possible to do it without pills but I don’t know how to get the motivation and disciple that it takes so instead, I take pills, which take a level of disciple itself. It will be 4 years since I started this site next month. First, she told me that we couldn’t talk or see each other again and then a combination of a few calls and my supervisor at the time’s abrasive coaching method, lead me to walk out, schedule an appointment with my doctor and tell her that I needed to get back on my medicine. Since then she has added to it and on most days, I am just fine – but other days, even if I can stop the mental side of the anxiety, I still feel the physical affects and it lasts for days.
Today, I am struggling at work. There is someone that I really want to talk to and just walk with, but I can’t and that’s even more frusterating. Yesterday, I ended up getting stuck in Spring Break traffic on the way back from picking up a kid 300 miles away and nearly lost it. Some may claim I did lose it but I feel like that is all relative and the only witnesses are not the most credible for different reasons. The non verbal one has plenty of limitations but the other two, can’t share an unbiased opinion not to mention, one is eight years old. My free time has expired, so this will continue at a later date.
I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me
How can I forget you girl?
I thought I knew you…
Today, on my way to work, right before I arrived, Gwen Stefani graced my speakers with a long lost song – Sunday Morning. I jammed out as if I was still in 7th grade, though I was driving. The first 2 CDs that I ever owned were, No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom and Jewel’s Pieces of You. If you remember anything about CDs or I guess any album, is that sometimes.. most of the songs suck, so I didn’t listen to the Jewel CD in full very many times, but Tragic Kingdom is one of my all time favorites.
The more that I listened to the words, the more that I knew that I had to post it here. Eventually I started questioning a few lyrics, like.. what the hell does, “You’re trying my shoes on for a change…” mean, but I got past it and was left with a few lingering thoughts that were luckily lost until now because of the hustle and bustle at work. The more the song plays past that line, I realize that it actually has nothing to do with how I feel but there are a few lines that leave me reflecting.
Gwen didn’t always get my feelings right but she sure does have a pretty voice and I could listen to these songs forever. As I was making this S curve near the rail road tracks, I thought.. what if I didn’t ask to see her that day, she wouldn’t have messaged me saying that she couldn’t see to talk to me anymore, again.
It’s been over 6 months and though I am lucky enough to have forgotten how long the longest has been in the past, but if anyone is concerned about her dedication and follow through, it was quite impressive and speaks loudly for her character. I may be paranoid, but I often worry,but that gets more complicated than I can articulate.
I left work early to go get the new plates for my vehicle. It’s probably time that I get to that.
I would listen to that album on repeat in 1996 on a Discman that my grandparents bought me. We were so cool and could skip songs if we wanted to. The sony headphones that came with it were awful. They were the type with the foam that I am quite sure are no longer in production.
I don’t know how I do this.. or why
This morning, my co-worker had a flat tire, so she called and asked for a ride home. Before I left the house, I told my girlfriend that I would most likely be taking her home on my way home. It was just about 15 minutes before I was scheduled to leave when I received a text message stating that my girlfriend may need to go to the ER. I didn’t see this because I was working but 6 minutes before work ended, I received an email to my work email saying hurry home, “I need to go to the ER.” I asked what happened and she replied, “Extreme pain may be cyst may be more I feel dizzy and nauseous due to it.” So I told her that I had to take my co-worker home but I would be there as soon as possible because it was on the way.
As I am driving home, I message her 15 minutes after leaving work to tell her I am exiting. She says that she can barely move, so I ask her to tell the kid to get his shoes on and make sure that she doesn’t need an ambulance all over text message while driving. Something in her words makes me realize it seems like she expects me to stay at the hospital with her and her 2 kids. At first I thought I was rushing home to babysit so that she could go. Then I realized she probably couldn’t drive so I was offering to driver her there. Since I had not had so much a bathroom break in hours, I started to panic because I had sitting down and relaxing on the toilet scheduled in my near future. Now I do not see a chance to use the restroom in sight and I am envisioning having to take care of 2 small children that can not behave at home in a hospital waiting room for hours. I have never sat in a hospital waiting room for anyway, so the idea of dragging children there when we live less than 10 minutes away was bizarre. Somehow when I texted her telling her that I had to shit, and I couldn’t do that at a hospital with 2 kids, she said “What” So I called because I was nearly wrecking my car trying to text her and rush home. Apparently, I yelled at her and she hung up on me. I came home, tried to get her son to put his bike away and clean his shit out of the bathtub because nothing disgusts me more than him crapping his pants at 7 years old, staying in it for way too long and then bathing and leaving chunks of shit in the tub.. When his bike gets stolen because he likes to display it in the front yard, I will laugh. If he gets sick from playing in his poop, I won’t be surprised..
Fast forward to after I have changed the babies shitty diaper, she is only 3, so I guess I will forgive this, and after I have dressed her – we are all finally in the car and now I have done something to make my girlfriend not want to go to the hospital and demand to go home. I take her to the hospital anyway, but she refuses to go in. We drive back home, and she just lays in bed refusing to speak to me. I guess I will go feed her kids and stare at the computer until I go to bed.