Today, I am going to complain about something that doesn’t even matter but has me in a rage all the same. Madd has spent the last 3.5 years manipulating me and finding ways to control me and sadly – it usually revolved around her children. The hardest part about the relationship – wasn’t even the abuse – it was trying to act like I cared and I was interested when the world around me (including her) knew my heart was elsewhere – just waiting.
Well in 2017 sometime, she met some mechanic that came to work on our cars. Her name was Sarah and she owned a mobile mechanic shop. My pride was not feeling it when Madd stayed up all night with her working on the car – because “She needed help.” I doubt we got a discount for this help but either way that is when that started. Emotionally – I didn’t give a shit – I wished she would leave so I could go back to waiting peacefully. I learned quickly that there is no waiting when there are 2 small children involved.
Eventually she started threatening me – when i didn’t want to have sex that she was going to go have sex with Sarah and eventually she did. Her mental health issues exacerbated mine and we fought all of the time. She would try to control me, I would try to resist – she didn’t like that. As I learned more about the men she had dated in the past, I realized this was a pattern and she was not happy that I would say no from time to time.
Well the point of that is that we would break up all of the time – never get back together but break up constantly. Basically, she would tell me if we were together or not it seemed, because I found out in January – after she started sleeping with Sarah or I believe they prefer to call it fucking for some reason – but after I got pissed that she was ‘fucking’ Sarah she informed me that we broke up sometime in November. I decided to take it and run, though my pride and ego were a bit bruised.
I will spare the details of New Year’s Eve 2019 when she ditched me to go pick up Sarah and have a mental break down / fling for a week or two. I ended up having to go to the doctor to get my Xanax refilled. She made it very public so all of my friends and reports knew at work when we returned. Then a week later, I was informed that I was getting laid off – so suddenly I didn’t give a fuck about Sarah or Madd or anything else but what the hell I was going to do.
It took me 5 weeks to land a job – well I was hired on that 5th week – the very day that my love swooped down to save me. Well, she probably doesn’t know how powerful she was but she has a way of giving me strength when I need it most. That was February 20th. It was a long 2 months. My brother started breaking down. I think that he felt he had to leave. He has been living with me for free for years but I have had a decent job where I barely notice the impacted. I would live here alone anyway – there is no way I would have a roommate. There are less than 5 people that I am willing to live with and he is damn lucky that he is one of them because it is not because he is a good house mate.
But anyway – somehow she knew that I needed someone right then. I was losing everything – or so it felt like. I have my theories. It starts with wondering if her friend that happened to be on my brother’s facebook before any of us ever met – contacted her because he was having his own set of breakdowns, which were much worse and much more dangerous than mine. I just slept all day, he was done. I had to field so many texts from concerned friends – including my aunt and my 87 year old grandma is on his facebook. For a while, it was my full time job just watching him and telling people he was… okay.
This post was supposed to be about what happened to me yesterday and why I am incredibly let down yet again by someone that I never really trusted but took it upon myself to protect her 4 year old daughter – because I feel like if I don’t no one else will. So its relevant to say that January of 2018 we got in a fight, on the 18th. Do to her choice in fighting moves – she now has a pending case for unlawful restraint. I really didn’t mean to cause that charge by what I said – but they asked what happened and I told them.
She is significantly bigger than me – possibly twice my size and I feel like that probably played into it. The ‘Good Ol Boy’ police officers that showed up in Kyle, TX didn’t know what to do with a lesbian fight. I’ve tried to get it dropped. She still owes money to her lawyer, so the case is still open but that caused her not to be able to rent. She put in her notice here, because she lived in a small apartment behind me that she hated. It was $750 a month and her grandma paid for her rent and all her bills. I think she sent her about $1400 a month, She insisted on moving to Austin near Sarah. She needed a 3 bedroom place and ended up finding one for $1500. Her grandma pays the rent but nothing else.
She couldn’t qualify for that with her charge or no job – so she conned me into renting it for her in my name. I started to realize that I could get in a lot of trouble for it and decided to refuse when it started coming time. This bitch actually said, “If you don’t rent this house for me and my kids, we will end up homeless and they will probably get taken away. If you want my kids to end up like your brother, growing up in foster care and dying with a needle in their arm then don’t rent the house but you will have to deal with that for the rest of your life.” Now I am sure that is not an exact quote because I did not record it but I can say it meant just that. She then walked out of my house, because she used to just walk in whenever she wanted to. I was left staring in silence when couch boy, who was just in the living room, came in to apologize for her. He just looked at me and said, “I don’t even know what to say to that. You know she is mentally unstable but here is no excuse to ever say that.” She says “Well I apologized for it later.” I’m sorry, I have PTSD because of my mother and things she has said and done in front of me, you can’t erase that – but my dumb fucking self rented the damn house for her. This was in August.
Fast forward to yesterday. so they haven’t even been there 3 months yet and she called me last night to ask me to take her to go dry her clothes because her dryer is broken again. To start with – I told her that if she moved to Austin, she would need to ask all her Austin friends for help and not me because I don’t want to be driving to Austin all the damn time – but here we are. I know that she doesn’t really have other friends. She may think she does but in the end no one will help her but Jenn and I. Jenn is her best friend from who knows when and basically her only friend. Well I agree like a dumb ass to go help her once again. I drive my ass up there and because of traffic it took an hour. I get there and the garage that was nicely emptied on Thursday when I had to go pick her up from the hospital because she totaled her car while it was on my insurance – but that’s another story that I don’t even know what will happen now. Point of that is, the garage is filled with someone else’s shit and it’s not hard to tell that it’s a bunch of mechanic shit with lesbian stickers all over it. I ask the 9 year old whose stuff it is and he tells me “No one’s” so that’s cool. Now I am stuck taking Madd to whatever princess laundry mat she wants to go to (She took me 12 minutes away – way too far in my opinion) and you bet I complained about her moving Sarah into the house that is in my name. She seems to think I am immature and out of line but fuck a whole lot of that. I knew that she was going to take advantage of this somehow, but I really did not expect her to move Sarah into a house that is in my name. I am still scanning my brain for solutions. I am more than pissed and she doesn’t give a fuck.