Today, I was reminded that everything in life is going alright… as I watched my love walk away. It was impossible to even think about the fact that I wouldn’t see her tomorrow.. or anytime soon.. I couldn’t take a moment to realize that would be the last hug she gave me for quite some time. I feel like I stayed strong until after she left, even when I looked over and saw her friend driving. The only way to get through that was to block all of that out and remind myself that she was going to see her family and spend time with all the people that she has been missing. I reminded myself not to be selfish and as soon as she left, I started to cry, slow, soft tears.. in front of my dad and brother. They knew that I was going outside to tell her goodbye and neither one said a thing. It’s not the first time that my brother has seen me cry over her, mainly recently because she was leaving, but I don’t think that my father has ever seen me cry over any woman – so that happened. She is currently riding across country on her next adventure in life and I am sitting here, writing about it and wishing that she could hold me.
Will you search through the lonely earth for me,
Climb through the briar and bramble.
I’ll be your treasure.
They sang all the wrong words.
I’m waiting for you
Today, I drove out to my sister’s house to see her kids. The drive out there is about an hour so it gave me so much time to think. Before this week, there was so much doubt in my mind. Too many people had laughed at me, called me crazy amongst other things for believing in myself and my feelings.. After a while, I started to doubt myself.
Once I was on my way home, thinking about how everything worked out, I wondered.. what the hell did I wish on those falling stars.. you always have to be careful with those. That’s mainly a joke but I do wish on shooting stars and I try to word my wishes perfectly. Now, I really know better than to believe in things like that but I can’t help but entertain myself.
There was this time, when I heard ‘Rush Hour’ by Ani Difranco for the first time. The star fell right out of the sky, straight down, in the direction of her house. I watched in amazement because I was getting all emotional at the time over the song and I paused the music to make a wish. This was so long ago, she was in CA or something seeing a concert in San Fransisco I think, but my wish was for her to be truly happy and for her to love me and all that stuff too.. I really couldn’t say exactly but I know that is how most of my wishes start out and go. There was something about my long drive that made me think about that night and that this is probably just part of what she needs to be truly happy and that is the main thing that I care about. As I got near my house, I looked at this guard rail near my street and remembered that I was specifically there when I saw that star. I have no idea how I remember these things. She means the world to me and I would do anything for her.
