It’s been a long few days and I am just holding my breath and trying not to worry about her. She has been on vacation for a few days and I am not really sure how long she will be gone. I can’t imagine that her work would let her off for very long. I was doing just fine and we were exchanging messages each morning and night and then at some point yesterday Tam started to worry about her and ask me questions – Tam doesn’t know how to be soft and gentle with me – so she just starts throwing it all out there and telling me about random cards she pulled about M – she doesn’t even know her but I guess I radiate enough energy, all of my friends practically believe that she is my future gf as much as I do – so they treat her as such.
She started asking me a lot of questions about her vacation that I just didn’t have the answers to. She asked me if she was in control or was along for the ride – told me they seemed lost or confused about their destination. She asked me who she was with and I knew none of it. I explained to her that I don’t ask most questions because I trust her to tell me what she wants to tell me and I never want to make her feel like she has to lie to me – so I would rather just not know.
When she didn’t get online last night after my emotions were stirred a little, I tried not to let it bother me. I was out with my friends but grew heavily distracted when I didn’t hear from her – I thought it was ridiculous so I tried not to think much of it or bother her with my concerns. Tam’s words were just all coming back to me and I started to wonder if there was any truth in it. A vacation where he and she are travelling by car is the last thing my nerves need right now, but instead of talking about the way I dig myself into emotional holes – I will just remain calm and watch vigilantly.