It took me eight years to realize that the end of July terrifies me. I wonder if it has always been when her lease was up. The first emotional moments with her that I had, were in late July. Then about 4 years later, I was inviting her to eat lunch with me, which we had been doing nearly every day and she informed me that we couldn’t see each other anymore and we couldn’t even communicate – it was a lot to deal with and lasted nearly two and a half years.
I had felt really secure and though that she had been out of that sham of a relationship that she had been in, but recently, I realized that was not the case. I had thought that she had been single since we started talking again because of the things she would say to me but at some point that must have changed. I try to conceal how badly that hurts because I really don’t want her to know.