You get down, real low down
Sheryl Crow
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well, who hasn’t been there before?
I come ’round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you French toast again
Well, okay, I still get stoned
I’m not the kind of girl you’d take home
I nearly feel guilty for feeling some songs – but I felt it hard.
I hate when I get lost in songs like this. As I left work, it was playing. Of course, I had to roll down my windows and scream it to myself – it makes me feel better – about doing nothing. I know that she wants me and she even confirms everything that I want to hear but I just feel like I can not complete the puzzle and I do not know what to do.
Some nights, its harder than others. But when I feel like this, I feel like I act like this every damn night.
This is it, boys, this is war, what are we waiting for?
Fun.
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype
Save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard, and I’m half as liked
But here they come again to jack my style
And some nights, I’m scared you’ll forget me again
Sometimes the words between the lines scream out at me. That’s when I ask myself what the fuck is wrong with me. How many patterns can you recognize and disregard before you realize that you aren’t quick or smart – possibly closer to fucking stupid but that is an argument with myself that I hope I never have to truly have.
Current political issues have me fearing the future. As Texas makes abortion less accessible – I fear what next. When “If These Walls Could Talk” came out on HBO, I watched them. The look into the history of abortion terrified me but I didn’t think that it applied to my life at all. Its been over a decade since I have watched either but I know every critical scene because they all got through to me. Now that I have experienced life for about 20 years or more since each, I realize how much the right to an abortion is critical and could affect my life drastically if the circumstances were grossly aligned.
The second one has always been deeply rooted in my heart. I was about 16 or 17 years old when I realized why having a marriage license was so important and at the time there was no hope it sight. I never even fathomed the idea that I may have the possibility to get married in America. Eventually I knew a few counties that I could but that would never help me here. Since then, I have met the one and that was before it was even legal. I celebrated her home state allowing same sexed married months or years after we met. After it was federally legal, my mind tended to drift. It’s kind of cool to have never really believed I would marry anyone but one person, as before her – I never knew it could happen. Enough about the gays, we all know about that and today its more about Demi Moore and 1952.
All those thoughts made me connect each song to each other. When the song below plays, I have equal and different emotions in the same direction as the last, I should probably go to sleep soon, she might miss me in our dreams.
He says I know you have to go
Ani DiFranco
You have gone before
We are fighting on two different fronts
Of the same war
But no matter what else
I will do
I will wait for you
My boxer neighbor was over tonight and saw me writing, she asked about the site. She was so impressed, and said things that really made me feel better about my situation. Sometimes I think I vent to her and just tell her how hard it can be and she really can only listen because she has no personal experiences like that and is so sheltered its nearly an innocent opinion.
People act like caring about someone makes you crazy and sometime that can really hurt.
Here is a song that graced my screen today, its a song that goes so far back in my little heart but it never meant this before. This feeling gets stronger every time i hear it as many months usually pass first. Most sound minded lesbians avoud Sarah McLachlan at all cost, Plus we all see those poor pups on TV at the mention of her name.
‘Hold on, for this is going to hurt like hell’
its actually:
I have seen this movie and this combination hurt before I ever hurt play. Sometimes – I feel like I am stuck in a movie.
It’s 1:11 am, do I get to make a wish? I’ll make half of one – that important half.