Tomorrow marks six years since I started writing here. Since I appreciate the historical value or any information, I had to go back and read my first post once again. I don’t remember that day well. We must have been walking. When I read this, I feel like it must have been near our intersection – which is just some random intersection that we happened to meet at each time we walked to each other. I am sure I cried so hard that day. Little did I know that it was the first in many days that I just wouldn’t l wouldn’t know how to handle.
The one that I handled the best was the most recent. I don’t think that I completely believed her and I was walking on the square downtown during lunch and for all I knew she could see me from the bakery she had been working at. I still remember the words from that text that arrived on July 27, 2017. The words she used gave me a cult like chill – but I knew better to think too far into it. I knew she did not want me meddling in her personal life and I did my best to respect that. As I sulked away, believing it wouldn’t last long – I had no idea that it would be more than a year before I would hear from her again.
She actually told me that she gave someone my number for a website somewhere in there and that was good enough for me, I was just happy that she knew my number still…
Then time past. I got laid off. Went into a pretty decent depression and my brother was freaking the fuck out – drugs were involved. When I felt like I was at my breaking point, she popped back up. Since then, I have decided that I will hang into every word she said and jump without looking back. I am without reservation when it comes to this lady and if it hurts a little along the way, I am perfectly fine with that.
I tell myself that I am going to marry her one day – and I hope she believes it too. It’s the first time in my life that I have ever considered such a thing – and I am sure that it is anything but expected – but I stopped caring about that long ago.