She played this last night in Green Elk, IL but the quality was not as good. If I was hooked to a computer through some microchip inserted into my brain, then someone would be able to track how many times my heart-rate spiked today. On my lunch break, I decided to tell her that I had another blue tank dress dream again. You know – I didn’t even know what a tank dress was before that day and I remember enough to know that she told me it was knew. I must remember her telling me to get in the car, I feel like I walked out to the main road and I know she said something about the car being dirty but that was the last thing I noticed. I also remember her walking up to my house, so she must have just parked out there. This was years ago – so many years ago, but I think about it more than I should. I wonder what my facial expression must have been. At this point, I feel like it was the last time my breath was completely taken away – I guess, just because I didn’t expect it.
I actually feel incredibly guilty about it all. I suppose she knows that. At this point, I try my best not to be attracted to anything or anyone because it just gets me in trouble, but there I am. heart racing, when I feel brave enough to say something that I feel I shouldn’t. I wonder if she remembers the conversation the same way that I do, or if it is just because I talk about it when I get too day dreamy. I never felt like she meant to say, “We should move here.” She had a way of making me feel hyper feminine in an emotional way that wanted to run off and.. you know, do those things people do when they run off. I wouldn’t know because I have never gotten to live that adventure yet. …it’s always been too soon.