When I was watching the news today, I saw coverage on a fatal shooting that happened out in Hills of Hays. I guess it’s a pretty big deal – but the news clip reminded me about what exactly I feared. The clip was talking about warning signs of domestic violence and I am sure part if it goes along with caring about her so much and wanting the best for her, but I have always feared that I would ignore obvious red flags just because I didn’t want to be too pushy or over step anything. I remind myself that I could be paranoid because of the way I grew up with my parents. My dad was subject to physical, emotional and mental abuse for as long as I can remember. He kept trying to help my mom because he loved her and she was his kids’ mother. I had not been around that type of manipulation in a long time, so I forgot what it was like until Maddie started treating me like I owed her everything and she could tell me what I could and couldn’t do. It just made it all so much more real for me. I realized that as much as I said I would never let anyone tell me what to do – there I was, following orders even though I didn’t agree. Everyone would tell me to get the fuck out and I knew that I needed to but it wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t that easy at all. The harder it was for me and honestly, I am not completely free from it yet but I am trying really hard to distance myself as much as possible until she moves, but it made me realize that it could happen to anyone and that my fears weren’t that far fetched. A few people really sat me down and talked to me about things when they observed concerning behaviors and it helped me some. It really took her behavior with this other girl to finally upset me enough to not want to be part of any of it at all. I don’t know why I am rambling on at this point but it’s important to me to say that I can handle anything and I’m not scared – ultimately. I cherish our friendship.
Here’s a random cute song to counteract that.
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How and why would the YouTube play a song like this next:
If I were tough, these songs would not frequent my playlist.
And one of my favorite songs of all time
And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
