This morning, my dog woke me up, I noticed my phone was glowing so I went to look at it. I had 6 missed called and 2 missed facebook calls. It was 7:00 AM.
She takes all of my money and when I am out, she goes and gets some from her grandma. I asked for some because she was spending it frivolously and I didn’t have any. That started a fight.
I was lured over to her house, next door, because she went to Wendy’s and said that she brought me some. I like to feel special, so I went to eat it, but I think it was a trap to put her 4 year old to bed. I struggled with the child and eventually asked her if she wanted me to take her to school in the morning. She agreed, became complacent and went to sleep.
Fast forward to this morning, my ex sure remembered that and expected it. Since we fought, I turned my ringer off. When I finally went over there to take the kid to school, she wasn’t even awake. If she was insisting I take her, that’s one thing, but this is just complete laziness.
On the bright side, I have plans today. However, I am nervous, like always. On my drive back from dropping of the kid, I hopped that she was not mad at me. I feel like she has every right to be. I’ve never really had someone like this in my life.
When I started this site, I needed some way to express myself. It was the first time that she said that she couldn’t talk to me anymore. I wanted to respect her wishes, but I was stuck alone, in my head. I used to be a slightly popular blogger on this site, JournalSpace.com but there was some hack and the site was deleted – so that was that. I am sure that lead to my decision to start a site to write to myself so that I would quit emailing her. At the time, at some point, I told her about the site but no one ever visited it and I didn’t really think anyone ever would. I made it through an entire relationship with someone that was extremely controlling and in my business and somehow she never saw it.
If I couldn’t stop thinking, I would come here and write. When there was a song circling in my head, I would come post it here. I have made slight changes to it over the years but it has served the purpose of giving myself somewhere to express my feelings. I don’t have many people that I really talk to anymore. Small talk – sure, but real discussions, no. Currently the only conversations that people have with me is – how is the job search? – and well, I am done answering that one. I hate that I get so stuck on ideas or just the fact that I can’t leave people alone. I know that my inbox would prove that – or my sent box anyway. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I am glad that I have people that love me, because I really need it right now.
