Last night, I got drunk with my friends and texted he r to the point where I felt irritating as fuck but it may have just been her quick response. That made me think that I should go get sandwiches with my friends this morning. I stopped in the local record shop and picked up the album, Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo. Most of my records have been bought used, so I liked being able to get one of my favorite albums.
When I parked my car, I saw that his car was there too. I was slightly shaken but I told myself that I would be fine. When I walked into the record store, I was trying to help me calm my nerves in there and when I came across that album, I knew it was just the thing. I bought it while I waited for my friends to meet me and then we went over there.
Updated: 3/19/2018 – Title, category, tags, image
We both tipped him well that day and he brought us jalapeno poppers. I don’t think that I have seen him since. The next day, I went to a co-workers house to hang out. I had no idea what was about to happen when I met her baby. …She seemed straight and I thought that she needed friends..
Tonight, I feel like I made an ass out of myself in front of the lady.. and by in front of — I mean that I sent her a text message that I questioned later – or 10. Drinking is bad m ‘kay. When you are sitting in a bar and something makes your think.. I should text the lady that I can’t get off my mind.. this text about an email that I sent her almost 2 years ago.. Don’t. You might spend the next forever and a half wondering what she is thinking.
Maybe I’m all messed up Maybe I’m all messed up Maybe I’m all messed up in you
I Grow Fonder Everyday Day, Loose Myself in Time Just Thinking of Your Name
The first time that I heard this, I listened in amazement and then watched a falling star. I made a wish as I saw it falling towards her house. I have forgotten what my exact wish was but I always try to be specific so that something weird wouldn’t happen.. I can imagine that my wish may have been something like, “I wish that she will do what makes her truly happy, no matter who she ends up with, I just want to know that she loves me.” I look back at that night, often. I wonder what I wished and how much of it has come true since then. She was in San Francisco at the time to see a band.
When she landed, she sent me a text to let me know that she arrived safely. The next text said something like, we should live her someday… Since I have been in love with her for about as long as I can remember at this point, my heart melted all over the place and I never forgot that moment in time.
This morning, I was day dreaming about the lady way too early. I listened to some Adele, sent her a revealing email and by that I mean completely sincere and open – nothing that modern day society may think.
YouTube took me to Tracy Chapman and then No Doubt. This is a song that I have known most of my life but today, I finally knew what it meant. I had been there. It described the last few years of my life.
Sometimes, I am just way too open with my lady friend.
Thing song always makes me think about the day that she was leaving.. I wanted to make her change her mind..
This happens to be one of my favorite songs.. today, it’s making me think about her — for no particular reason at all.
As I drove home from work today, the song that I recently mentioned, Charlie Puth – One Call Away played on the radio. It’s interesting because I had just heard it for the first time that day from YouTube. Leave it to the radio conspiracy.
I woke up and started crying within 20 minutes. Today seems extra sensitive. I took a walk to clear my mind and just cried more. She is such a big part of my life and i miss her so much. Today, i am less tough.
Feels like reckless driving when we’re talking
It’s fun while it lasts, and it’s faster than walking
But no one’s going to sympathize when we crash
They’ll say “you hit what you head for, you get what you ask”
and we’ll say we didn’t know, we didn’t even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky
The thing about keeping great records, digital ones at that, is that it is easy to cross reference them when needed. Today marks 2 years since a difficult day in my life. That day happens to be the day that I started this site, as a way to deal with the situation. It looks like it was the next day or so that I was at work, ended up talking to someone that made me a little sad on the phone.. then my boss jumped down my throat and made me cry on a call.. That will be 2 years ago Monday. In my opinion, I handled it very well. That call was one call before my lunch, I remember it quite well. The call after that is the one that I actually started to cry during, barely, but everything had just been building up. I logged out when it was time to go to lunch, I walked right up to my boss and told her that I was going to the doctor and that I would be back the next day.
In the past, I had been on anxiety medicine, and at some time around when my middle niece was born, about 3 and a half years ago, I had stopped taking it. With everything that had transpired and how much I was reacting to everything around me, I knew that it was something that I needed in my life. In retrospect, this site serves as a record of my progress in the last 2 years. Since then, I have been promoted at work. I on my 8th training class and somehow I have gained the trust and understanding of the woman that I have fallen in love with. I feel that way anyway. It’s a huge deal to me because I tend to keep everyone in my life at a safe distance, but something tells me that she is different.. and I enjoy every minute of it.
When I was coming home from my friend’s house tonight, I drove by her old house for the first time since she had left. I just kind of turned when I really didn’t have to. My heart felt a little lighter when I saw his car in the drive way. I’m uncertain why I can’t bring myself to just ask her a few things. My imagination had been playing with combinations and statistical realities.. Most people that know me, know that I would wait 2 more years for her without thinking twice.. and hate it – I’m not sure why. Those act like I am selling myself short and that no one should wait for anyone.. Then the other reactions that I get are more sincere in my eyes, I can’t tell you how much I like it when someone reacts the opposite and confirms that it’s incredibly romantic. There’s a handful of close friends that know just how I feel. They see my face when I talk to her. My attempt to smile as she leaves. It’s nice when someone actually understands you. It seems to be so rare lately.
While stumbling around the YouTube.. I found this gem:
